26 Jul 2017

# blogger # bloggers

Feel the fear... and do it anyway

This morning shit got real. I woke up and realised I needed to stop denying the inevitable year ahead. It's exactly one month until the start of my year abroad, so I finally booked my flight to Holland, my new home for the next year. I can't pretend that I’m not incredibly nervous because that would be a lie; I'm moving to a new country, to spend a year at a music college with no other people I know... It's going to be intense.

I have never been particularly good with change, in fact, I tend to freak out a bit when things go a little differently. And despite having experienced a fair few changes, the biggest one to date being moving to Dorset in 2012, (which if we're judging from evidence, turned out pretty darn well) it's still something that tends to leave me feeling a little unsettled. That said, over the last few months I have moved out of my home in Dorset and Leeds, lived in Manchester for 7 weeks and now I am in my family's new home in Bristol with a month to go before my next chapter in The Netherlands. I felt a little uprooted, but in reality my roots will always be there, they're just spreading a little, and isn't that part of what life's about? (EPIPHANY)

What I'm starting to realise is that there isn't a right or wrong way to do things. Yes, there is a legal system we have to take into account, but when it comes to our jobs, education, emotions... the spectrum is almost infinite. We take life at our own pace, in our own way and we have to be patient with ourselves if sometimes we feel we are responding to a situation differently from others. It's neither bad nor good, it's just as it is, but it can be so hard to maintain that perspective of objectivity because we are almost conditioned to judge ourselves nowadays. This will definitely be a thought that I try and bring with me into the next year, especially when it comes to studying music as it can often feel so brutally personal.

There was a period just before Christmas when I so nearly pulled out of applying for my year abroad, but boy am I glad I didn’t. The prospect of that year became a reality and it scared the bejesus out of me. It would have been an all too easy option to finish my degree in the usual three years, opting out of the year abroad that had originally persuaded me to study at Leeds.

Just over a year ago, I wrote the post Art Changes, We Change, a post I am really proud of. Reading over it again, it reminded me that it's OK to do things a bit differently; embrace the individuality! Mum once said to me 'feel the fear and do it anyway', the perfect mantra if you're ever doubting your own ability, because now I find myself probably just as scared as I was before Christmas, but with a little more excitement thrown in. I'll be living in a beautiful city, in a culturally-thriving country with the rest of Europe on my doorstep. I'd be a fool not to make the most of that while I can (and while we're still in the EU...).

Catch you in The Netherlands friends.


Zwolle - my new city!

1 comment:

  1. Such an exciting thing to do Kitty, am super jealous. And in my experience all the best things make you feel a bit nervous beforehand, read it as excitement not fear, the two feel pretty close sometimes x


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